To help or not to help. . . that is the question

Subtitle: Confessions of a Confused Missionary

Disclaimer: For those of you who don’t know us well and harbor the idea that missionaries are saints who have all the answers and would like to preserve those beliefs, you may need to stop reading because this may destroy that belief. For those of you who know us well, you already know that we are not saints who have it all together so you may continue.

There are MANY great things about ministering in Africa - too numerous to count actually. One of those great things is that it is easy to see and help meet people’s felt needs. This is obviously different than parts of Europe or the US, where most people are fairly self-sufficient, and it can be harder to find an inroad. Almost daily, we are confronted with the opportunity to help people with physical and medical needs. That usually opens up an opportunity to share Jesus’ love and compassion. Sounds too good to be true – and it can be.

I know it sounds confusing – but actually, help of this nature CAN be detrimental sometimes. Let me explain.

Last week, a young mom came to me with a set of 1 month old twin boys. They are beautiful and pretty healthy. Here is her need: she delivered the babies at her house, not at the “hospital” in town or with the midwife. For years, we nurses and the health care people in town have been strongly encouraging women to NOT give birth at home due to the very increased risk of neonatal tetanus from dirty knives and cow dung/mud floors. There are numerous reasons a woman would prefer to deliver at home or maybe she can’t walk to the hospital while in labor (as claimed by this woman who says she didn’t know she was in labor until the babies popped out).

Due to 2 recent cases of infant death from tetanus, the head medical person in the area has imposed a tax of 3 times the amount of money if you deliver at home instead of with the midwife or doctor. You have to pay this money in order to receive a carnet (medical form) that allows your kids to get vaccines. (Incidentally, for no reason that anyone can explain to me, it costs more to deliver a boy than a girl. And no, there is no circumcision at birth that would explain it. But that is another story altogether.)

She came asking for me to pay the fees so her babies can get vaccinated. Well, on the surface, that seems simple. I should help her. But, what does that say to the other women in the village – just have your babies at home, tell Madame that you didn’t know you were in labor, and she will help you? How do I say yes to one person and not the next? If it doesn’t cost her anything, what will stop her from delivering her next baby at home, thus putting her baby at risk? What would the head medical guy have to say if it looks like his solution was being by-passed? Also, where is the father of the twins? Why is he not helping? According to mom, the dad left a few months back and left no money for her to help with the birth or her other child. If I step in, how will that help him learn responsibility the next time? I could go on and on.

What about a sick person? When do we step in with money to help and when do we make the family take responsibility? If the money is provided and costs them nothing, many times they are not careful how it is spent. Or they take the money to buy food or new clothes and let the sick person suffer or die. That makes it difficult to know how best to proceed.

Another factor is that is it often difficult to know what the actual need is. In Western society, we tend to hide our needs, proud that we are self-sufficient. In a third world culture, people tend to hide their strengths and show you their weaknesses. They don’t expect you to meet all that they demand, just a part. In a sense, without asking, they already have a “no” so it doesn’t hurt to try for a “yes”. Often, we have seen or heard of people who will not sell livestock or possessions to gain money to help a sick person get well, but once that person dies, they sell off a cow or something to pay for sacrifices and funeral expenses.

There have been many times we have been “burned” – giving money to help medically and having the person show up with a new outfit, but still sick. Or being told that there is NO money in the house for food, but seeing that same person wearing a new pair of shoes purchased in the market the next day.

Several times we have refused to help someone and later the person figured out a way to get what they needed without our help, increasing their self-esteem. There have also been MANY times that we know if we had not stepped in, the person would have died.

All of that leaves us daily asking God for wisdom to know when we should help and when we should step back. We know we will make mistakes, but we try to rest in knowing that we need to ask for wisdom, and then follow what He tells us to do. Come to think of it – that is probably exactly where He wants us!