Recently I became aware of a program called Couch to 5
K. It works you through the process of
starting as a “couch potato” and moves you on to a 5 K over a period of
time. For some reason, that title has
been rolling through my head as Jim and I have begun the painful process of
“emptying our nest” – all in a 30 day time frame. I feel like we are on an empty nest plan – on
steroids!
We knew, of course, that this day was coming – at least in
theory. As young parents, we watched
(sometimes with a wee bit of jealousy) as older parents released their young
into the world. Back in those days, just
a few moments of peace and quiet were a blessing –and the thought of a whole weekend
alone a tantalizing prospect. Life was
busy with 3 small children – pregnancy, birth, month after month, the kids grew
and changed and we knew this day was coming, but it ALWAYS seemed so far
away.
Even as they got older, we knew in
“theory” that the day was approaching, and we began to ponder what it would be
like, but we had NO clue. When they were
babies, we dedicated them back to God as a symbol of recognition that they
really belonged to Him anyway – but these days, I find myself having to turn
them back over on a daily basis.
As I sit and write this, we are one week away from a
completely empty nest. Some days, I can
hardly stand it. On one hand, I am
overwhelmed and blessed to see the people that God is placing in our kids’
lives and the situations that He is providing for them. We see them growing and maturing and changing
into the young men and the young woman that God is shaping them into. They are fun to hang out with. We enjoy talking with them and being
together.
On the other hand, we find ourselves grieving the losses and
there are many. We grieve for the loss
of their physical presence, we grieve for the loss of our place in their lives,
and we grieve for the loss of the daily interaction and being more in touch
with what is going on.
For each of our kids, who are in very different situations,
our concerns vary.
For our daughter who is in boarding school for the first
time, we worry about her adjustment to school and the dorm. We wonder who her
friends are and what she is learning in school, and what fun things she did over
the weekend.
For our son who is with his grandparents, we wonder how
classes are going, we miss not being “in the know” about his work, and we miss
nightly conversations around the dinner table.
For our other son, who is soon moving away and into a small
apartment where he doesn’t know anyone, we worry about who he will hang out
with and what he will eat. Who will know
if he gets into an accident on his way home at night, if there is no one who
knows his schedule?
So many questions, so many worries, so much grief!!!!
This morning, I woke up at 4:45am and began to worry about
all of these things. I came out with my
cup of coffee and opened my devotional book and was reminded of a promise from
the Bible –
It comes from the Old Testament story of Hagar – a woman who
ran away from her mistress and hid in the desert. God finds her there (not that she was ever
lost in His eyes) and makes promises to her.
And then she says “You are a God of seeing” for she said, “truly here I
have seen Him who looks after me.”
And
it comforted me to be reminded that, in the same way God sees Jim and me,
whether here in the US or in the bush of Africa, He also sees my kids – spread
out in the various places where they are.
He sees them and rejoices over them and loves them MORE than we do.
So this morning, God placed a bit of salve over my raw and
aching heart. It doesn’t remove the pain
of separation, but it comforts my heart to know that He is watching over them.
Yes, we knew this time was coming and we are thrilled for them
– excited to see how God is shaping them and making Himself real to them. We really do want this for them - we are
thankful that they are healthy, functioning adults who CAN make their way in
this world. We realize that it will get
easier with time and that we will adjust to our “new role” in their lives – as
more of a cheerleader and advice giver and sounding board – and less of a
“hands-on” kind of parent.
This will
become a new normal for us. Jim and I
will develop as a couple in a new way.
It is ALL good. But it is still
HARD! I dread the long days ahead in the
village where communication will be difficult.
I also dread the holidays when we will not be together as a family. But we will make it – we will develop new
traditions – and we are still a family who loves each other– no matter what our
geography. Not everyone can say that –
even when they all live under the same roof.
Full house to empty nest in 30 days – not for the faint of
heart!
