Goodbyes

I have been contemplating good-byes a lot lately.  We just left our village and spent a lot of time with people – talking and saying good-bye.  “Please don’t be gone long!” was the most common phrase that I heard.  The tears we saw were genuine. I broke my heart.

Goodbyes are a part of everyone’s life.  They just are!  But living on the other side of the world adds a whole new dimension to it.

We are currently in Dakar with Ben and Kaleb in the midst of a flurry of activities to honor the seniors.  There are ceremonies and receptions and banquets.  Last night we attended JBS (junior/senior banquet).  We watched our boys interact with their friends and the other adults in their lives.  We listened as the junior class honored the seniors with written words and a funny “senior predictions” DVD.  A common phrase heard last night was “I hope we can see each other again.”

Growing up overseas and boarding school in particular is a blessing – but it is mixed with pain.  The boys have friends from ALL over the world – all over Africa, America, Saudi Arabia.  That is an amazing blessing that has helped to form who they are as men.  But it can make the good-byes difficult.  While no one knows the future, as these young men and women scatter all over the world, they really don’t know if they will see each other again.  I sat thinking about kids from American schools, who, at graduation, say goodbye, knowing that they will likely see their friends throughout the summer and on breaks from school.

Now we have to make it through Ben and Kaleb’s senior reception and graduation.  I can feel the tears looming.  It is a mixture of pride and grief.  I thought leaving my kids at boarding school was painful, but the thought of leaving them in the US when we return in the fall trumps that a hundred times over!  Not sure how we will do it – one day at a time, I suppose.  If I could be honest, it is hard from me to hear parents who cry and complain about their kids going off to college – knowing that they can drive down for the weekend, or that the kids will be back in a few weeks for fall break or Thanksgiving.   

Don’t get me wrong – I totally get that it is a transition and a time of grieving for everyone.  Life as they know it is changing and their kids are growing up and moving on.  But I wish they would remember that there are others who are leaving their kids for a much longer time at a much greater distance.  A friend of ours, who dropped their daughter off at college in the fall and then returned to Africa, told me that he struggled to listen to the parents lamenting about not seeing their kids for a few weeks, as he said good-bye to his daughter for potentially 4 years.  Really????

None of this is to elicit sympathy.  We wouldn’t trade our lives and what God has called us to do for anything.  It is a privilege to raise our kids overseas.  It is also not to belittle the grief of separation and transition that other people go through.  It really isn’t.  Maybe it is just a plea for understanding and prayer as we navigate the next few months of goodbyes to the boys in the US and to Hannah when she comes to school here in Dakar.  Next time you find yourself missing you kids who live a few hours away and are constantly available by phone, pray for a missionary who has parts of their hearts scattered all over the world.