The Privilege and Pain of Raising TCK’s Oversea

Raising kids of any flavor is a challenge not for the faint of heart.  Living overseas and raising TCK adds another dimension to that.

For those of you who don’t know, a TCK stands for Third Culture Kid and basically describes a kid who is from one culture (for our kids, American), but are raised in another culture (for us, African) and whose worldview becomes a mix of those two cultures, creating a third, unique culture of their own.  Obviously it depends on which part of the world you grow up in, but most TCK share similarities, no matter where you are from.

Growing up overseas has its challenges.  Sadly, our kids have been at times tormented by the African kids that surround them.   They have been unable to communicate because of the language barriers. They have had to deal with medical emergencies when medical help is 12 hours away. They have been under lock-down for days during political unrest and have been evacuated on a military jet because of it.

They have seen babies die on the porch and watched countless people suffer from illness.  They have seen hungry people picking up every last rice kernel so they don’t waste anything.

They have faced feeling “foreign” in their own country and lost when kids their age talk about the newest video games and movies.  They have had to say goodbye – over and over again – to friends and family and pets and homes.  They have missed being around grandparents and aunts and uncle and cousins.

Our kids have had to face separation from us when at boarding school and we have grieved over the missed birthdays and holidays and softball games.  We have missed being able to respond with a “yes” when pleas come from school for different events.   And we continue to grieve, because, with the boys graduating this year, them leaving home means that they might never return to our house here. 

There are no quick trips home for fall break or Thanksgiving or Christmas – not when it costs over $2500 for a visit.  We got new furniture in the living room last week, and it struck me that the boys may never get to see it. (Not that is was a big deal to see the new furniture, but it was another reminder that they are gone.)   With Hannah set to go to Dakar next year, we are about to prematurely experience the “empty nest”.  We don’t even have phone reception so that they can call if they need to talk.

So why are we here?  Why do we bother?  Why would we even “subject” our kids to this strange life?

The trade-offs are worth it!

TCK’s are amazing people – and I don’t just say that because I am one, or because I was raised by a second generation one, or because I am raising three.  They really are amazing.  They are flexible, adaptable, out of the box thinkers who see the world from a whole different perspective than their home country peers.  They have easy access to their passport and get to travel the world.  They have opinions on their favorite international airlines and airports and airplane food.  They know about layovers and customs.  And that is just getting to another country.

My kids know how to live without electricity and how to pee by the side of the road or in a squatty-potty.  They have pulled water from a well to wash with and bathed in the backyard.  They have helped host weary travelers looking for a safe place to sleep.  They have encountered snakes and scorpions and eaten strange new things.  They have slept under the stars on the beach and jumped off of waterfall cliffs.  They have taken field trips to go canoeing on the Niger River or to go shoot a python caught in a fish trap. They are tri-lingual.  They live in an amazingly beautiful country.

They know that the whole world is not as privileged as they are.  They understand that there is not just ONE right way to do a lot of things.

Our kids are learning to depend on God in a way they might not have in the US.  Every road trip begins with a prayer – asking God for safety and mercy and protection on the roads.  We have prayed for each other and for sick colleagues and friends in the village – depending on God for a miracle.

And we are surrounded by an incredible community of adopted grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins who understand where they are coming from and who speak into their lives.  Where else in the world could we find people like this – a “family” knit together by a love for Jesus and this country – from all parts of the world and all walks of life – who laugh and cry and pray and journey together through this strange world?  AND we have the double blessing of an amazing family on the other side of the pond who love and support us!

Is it hard sometimes?  Yes – but that is true no matter where you are.  Are there trade-offs?  Absolutely!  Would we change some of what they have experienced?  Not on your life.  Because, as hard as those things are or were, it has shaped our kids into the incredible people they are today!  And we couldn’t be prouder of them!!!  

 Ben, Kaleb, and Hannah – we LOVE you and are proud of you!