Selfishness

One time, at a wedding shower I attended, the women were giving advice to the bride to be. One lady offered this advice – never underestimate your capability for selfishness. At the time, it seemed a little strange. I was a newlywed, so still in that blissful stage.

Over the years, I have realized that I do have a bent towards selfishness and have spent time praying that God would help me to live to serve others and to put them first. He is helping me. There is, however, nothing like living in a foreign culture, to bring character flaws into a glaring light. That happens to me on many occasions. Recently, I found the disease of selfishness rearing its ugly head. It all started with my washboard…

I have a washboard, you see. And by washboard, I mean the wooden kind your Grandma probably used to wash her clothes. I bought it last year when our washing machine died. I don’t really know how to use it, mind you, and don’t really need it anymore since I currently have a functioning washing machine. Isatu, who helps me by washing our clothes, is the one who uses it. But don’t worry; it is not just sitting around collecting dust. Isatu took it to her house right after we arrived – and I have not seen it since.

She has a big family and no washboard – so she took it to use it. And that bothers me. Not because I know how to use it or even need it, but because, well, it is mine and it seems like it should be at my house. She didn’t really even ask to borrow it – certainly not to borrow it for months at a time. I could give it to her, I suppose, but here in Guinea, there is always the chance your washing machine will break and we will have to go back to the board full time. I don’t mind her borrowing it sometimes.

She also has one of my big metal plates that she borrowed a year ago. To be honest, I kind of forgot I had it or that I loaned it to her. But the other night, Jim and I were walking in town and we saw her son with it on his head, filled with little mounds of peanut butter for sale. Jim – that is MY plate, I said. That also is a possession I don’t really need. I have 2 others that I rarely use, but again, it IS mine and she really didn’t ask to borrow it permanently. Sometimes I just want my stuff.

Culturally, the person who has the most need for a borrowed possession gets to use it until the owner again has a need for it. So, really, I have no grounds for asking for those things back – because I really don’t have a NEED for them. There are times when we try to explain why we need our things back and people just look at us like, REALLY? You want that back so you can just set it in your house and collect dust on it? It IS a little hard to rationalize sometimes. And it seems a little toddlerish to say – I want it because it is MINE!

Before you judge me too harshly in your heart, I really do like to share and give, most of the time. I suppose it has something to do with me making the choice to share – not someone else making the choice to permanently borrow something. I don’t want possessions to get in the way or ruin our witness in the village. And we want to strike a balance between being taken advantage of and being very generous with our neighbors. People have been very generous with us and we want to pass that on.

So, if I borrowed something from you month back, let me know and I will try to return it……… It is YOURS, after all. And you probably just want your stuff……