My Man

I was recently encouraged to write a blog post about Jim.  Many people hear lots about me and what I do - and they wanted more about my better half.  The problem is, I am not sure that I can write in one post all that Jim is and does in our marriage, our family and our ministry.

How can I describe life in Africa?  Unpredictable?  Challenging?  A crazy adventure?  Amazing?  What kind of husband would be crazy enough to travel this path beside me?

As a young teen, I thought I knew just what I wanted in a man.  Now, of course, being a teen, I was probably a bit more focused than I should of been on how he would look.  I DID put in the requisite “I want him to love Jesus” but I promptly moved on to more shallow characteristics - such as the color of his hair and eyes, and other equally important issues like how tall he would be compared to me (very important for wedding photos, etc).

When I look back now, it AMAZES me how God brought me a man who was just what I needed - even when I had my focus on slightly more trivial things.  He brought me someone who brings out the best in me and who complements my strengths in life and ministry like no one else could.

So many things about Jim are just what I (and our kids) need…..  he makes me laugh, he listens to this verbal processing woman (picture lots and lots of words) even though he likes to take time and contemplate things quietly, he balances my desire to over-function for my kids and my friends in the village, he protects me, loves me, believes in me, prays for and with me….. 

Our kids have lots to be thankful for - left to my own, they would have likely been wrapped in bubble wrap, sitting in a chair for safety, as opposed to climbing on roofs, swinging HIGH in trees, shooting bows and arrows and guns, and riding motorcycles.

In Guinea, our balance of strengths and weaknesses are even more stark.  So here are some things that I LOVE about him when I think about him on the other side of the pond.

1.  The man can fix just about anything.  He would say not - but seriously, he amazes me.  He is willing to try just about anything.  He always says - I have no idea what to do here.  And more often or not, he solves the problem.  And this without a Lowes, Home Depot, or truck mechanic anywhere in site.

2.  Jim is flexible and rolls with so much of what life throws at us.  His “can-do, we will adapt” attitude far surpasses mine.  I get a little more stressed when life doesn’t go as I hope/expect/plan.  Typically, it takes me MUCH longer to stop, and change direction mentally.

3.  He values people and spending time with them.  Don’t get me wrong - I LOVE people.  But I am also a very schedule/time driven girl.  I love lists and crossing things off of them.  I want to pack as many tasks into my day as possible.  So many things about life in Africa rubs that part of me the wrong way.  African culture is ALL about community and taking time for people.  It is sitting for long periods of time - chatting or just being together.  It seriously makes me insane some days.  I like to visit - but after about 10 minutes, my mind is off and running to the things I need to do, so I can do the other things I need to do.  It can be almost painful to sit and “waste” time.  

Now I FULLY realize that spending time with people is not “wasting” time - but it takes constant reminding (to myself) that this is true.  Jim sits and has coffee with our friends for hours - covering many topics.  He attends funerals and naming ceremonies.  He goes to the markets, and sits at people’s huts with them - chatting and greeting the people passing by.  HIs love for people and willingness to cover that part of living in community in Africa make it possible for me to treat the sick people that God brings to the clinic.

4.  Jim not only takes time with people, but he helps me with my work.  He comes to the clinic and visits with my patients.  He helps me in emergencies - like burns and accidents and snake bites and scorpion stings.  When I am suturing a laceration, he is there encouraging me and grabbing me supplies.  Blood doesn’t bother him.  When our stun gun quit working, he hooked a wire up to a motorcycle and shocked a snake bite that way - at 1 am!

5.  He looks for new ways to do things - new techniques for farming, new seeds to introduce, new ways to use what we have.

Jim is loved in the village - by the young kids who see this big white guy who is willing to take the time to talk with them, to the women who are amazed when a man thanks them for the work they are doing, to the middle aged people who love when he goes to their farms to help harvest peanuts or pull weeds or cut rice, to the old village men who love it when he comes and sits with them and takes time to listen to them.

I am INCREDIBLY blessed to be married to this man.  This is a wild adventure that we are on and God knew just who would make the best life partner for me!  I love you babe!

Fight the Good Fight

 

(Warning - this is another disclaimer for those who like to keep missionaries up on a pedestal…you might want to stop reading right now)

Confession time - I struggle sometimes to trust…. I struggle to trust that God is in control.  I struggle to trust that He knows what He is doing and what is best.  I struggle to trust that He has my best at heart and my kids’ best at heart.  I am not sure why that is.  I read my Bible some days and feel SO critical of the stories of the people who saw God doing miracles in their behalf, and yet they, in a seemingly short amount of time, return to trying to do things on their own.  It makes wonder - Don’t you remember what He just did for you?  Why do you doubt? 

Mind you, I have their whole story laid out - start to finish - in a neat little package.  But still, some of the things that God did for people was REALLY AMAZING.  You know, things like splitting big bodies of water in two, turning water into wine, feeding over 5000 with a little boy’s lunch, healing many people, and raising others from the dead.  Seriously!?!  How could you doubt after seeing and hearing about those things?

But then I think about my life and remember that God has done some fairly amazing things in my life as well.  Prayers that He has answered in miraculous ways - situations that He has redeemed for MY good, answers to prayers for friends and family, things that He has protected us from - and those are only the things I have seen with my own eyes.  I KNOW beyond the shadow of a doubt that some day, I will truly understand ALL of the ways that He was working and directing and protecting.  But for now, I know that I only see a dim glimpse of what He is doing.  But even that glimpse is AMAZING proof that He loves me and my family.

Yet MANY times I circle back to doubt and fear.  Recently we had a situation with Kaleb wanting to sell his motorcycle.  He had been trying for months.  We had been praying for months.  But nothing was happening.  Now I realize that it is just a motorcycle - not a life and death kind of thing.  But it was a big thing in his life - and as his parents, a big thing for us.  We knew he wanted to sell it to have the money for other expenses he would face as a new husband.  God, I prayed, Kaleb is trying to honor you.  Please sell this cycle.  It sat parked outside in our driveway - day after day.  Cars would drive by, people would stop, and we would pray - God, let this be the one.  Nothing. 

Then one day, I was feeling discouraged and I shared that with my mom.  So Jim, Mom, Pierson (my 6 year old nephew) and I went out and prayed over the motorcycle.  An hour later, we got a call from Kaleb saying that someone was coming to look at the bike!  Amazing - an answer to prayer.  We were pumped.  The days passed, the lady came to look at it, and there was drama, drama, drama.  I won’t go into the whole story, but she never bought the motorcycle.  I was getting frustrated.  I thought, God, this seemed like the answer.  We prayed - and the lady called within an hour.  And yet it fell through. 

I struggled constantly to remind myself of a few things -

1. That God was in control

2. That He knew what He was doing - He sees the BIG picture

3. That there was something that God wanted us to learn

4. That God loves Kaleb adn Emily more than we do

Struggle was the operative word here - it was a fight.  I would pray and trust and then get frustrated and have to start the whole process over again.  I was frustrated with the motorcycle not selling, frustrated that the God of the universe wasn’t “helping” my son in the way I thought was best, frustrated with myself for knowing in my head that He knows best, but not trusting in my heart.  So much frustration - feeling that my faith should be deeper, feeling that God should step in!

And then I was driving and heard a song on the radio that talked about ‘“fighting the good fight”.  I have walked with Jesus for many years - and I have read that verse in 1 Timothy 6:12 that says - “fight the good fight for the true faith”  many times.  And that day it struck me - I think that the “good fight” entails, at least in part for me, struggling through these things.  It is ok that it is a fight for me - as long as I stay in the ring, so to speak.  God doesn’t love me less, even when it is a fight for me:

To trust Him

To be satisfied in Him

To believe even in my doubt

To struggle even when He has been SO faithful

I think that every time is gets a little easier - but it remains a fight for me.  A mental fight to focus on trust and faith….  such a mental fight.  Some days and some situations are easier than others…  but I am still in the ring - still fighting, still trusting…..

Some Thoughts I Shared on Facebook

Here are 10 thoughts that I walked away with after a great day on Monday hanging out at the hospital and office with the OB-GYN...

 1. Women giving birth are amazing ALL over the world, but especially in places like Guinea where the conditions are SO basic and there are no pain meds or fancy things like beds! 

 2. Speaking of beds, giving birth on a birthing bed and NOT the floor - GENIUS! Who came up with this? I feel like my back and knees are voting for this option!

 3. Never realized how MUCH easier it is to give birth when you are not dealing with the effects of female excision (circumcision) and the resulting scarring. I knew it - but seeing it up close and personal again was astounding!

 4. Amazed by the changes that have occurred it the 23 years (has it been THAT long?) since I graduated from nursing school - especially in regard to babies who are born prematurely between 34 -38 weeks.

 5. Babies in America are big! A HUGE baby for me in my deliveries is about 6 lbs. I was in a delivery Monday where the baby weighed what most of my 3 month olds weigh in Guinea. 

 6. Everything is SO clean - where are the bugs, mosquitos, spiders, chickens? Running water - amazing invention! Haven't done a delivery yet in Guinea that I didn't need a shower right afterwards.

 7. I wish I could go back and tell my moms in Guinea that they needed to take 2 - 3 weeks of light duty after giving birth. Also wish it was ok for them to eat red meat.... my friends there have to wait 3 months... not sure the reasoning behind that tradition.

 8. SUPER fun to see the emotions of mom and dad (and extended family) getting their first look at baby. Where I live, grandmas and aunts and close friends get excited, but moms are usually TOO exhausted to show much emotion (even though I know that they love their babies) and dads are not allowed to be around during the process... I cried a few times myself on Monday and I had never met these people before.

 9. Forgot how it is really the nurses who do 98% of the work in a normal delivery and the doctor just shows up at the end for the best part! (Sorry to all you docs out there... just being real. :^) ). Reminded me that I am blessed to do what I do because I get to be involved in ALL of it.

 10. Thankful for the doctors, nurses, and midwife who were very welcoming and kind to this village nurse - didn't make me feel silly for asking questions and were great teachers. Blessed! Can't wait to go back.

Not Immune

Well, it happened. I caught one of the diseases that I have been trying to avoid. I thought I was taking all of the right precautions and protecting myself but I guess not. I didn’t realize that it was so contagious. America is a dangerous place. I have seen a few symptoms developing, but yesterday it spiked out of control.

I was standing in the kitchen when I first realized what was happening. It was lunch time and I was very hungry. I had placed some food in the microwave for 2 minutes. I paced across the floor – and checked the timer, thinking to myself that it was surely almost done. Amazed, I discovered that only thirty seconds had gone by. I stood and stared at the timer slowly ticking down.

I was getting irritated…..frustrated….. I was hungry. What was taking so long? And then it hit me – I have “hurry sickness.” I have seen it all over America. . . people rushing from here to there; talking, but glancing at their watch; talking, talking, talking on the phone – in the line at the store, in the car, at the gym, at a restaurant; texting, always texting; too many customers in the stores and not enough workers; lives lived at a frantic pace!

We arrived back in the US exhausted from jetlag and the emotional toll Ebola had taken on us. We were glad for the mental break, slow to re-enter a society that was again foreign to us. Much of what we saw were people rushing/frantic/hurried = with no margin in their lives and no boundaries. It was distressing to us on many levels. Readjusting to a fast-paced society was culture shock to us. People didn’t seem grateful for the incredible blessings in their lives – restaurants (everywhere), more stores than you can count on your fingers, medical services at their fingertips, SO many amazing conveniences like electricity, dishwashers, hot running water, and microwaves.

Why weren’t people more relaxed? Why weren’t they more grateful? Kind of made me mad actually. Didn’t they realize that so many people go without these things? Didn’t they realize how amazing a microwave was?

But slowly, like a frog in a pot of heating water, I could feel myself getting infected. It has been a battle for us – trying to put margin in our lives. We use a variety of ways to accomplish this: making sure we get enough sleep by shutting off the computer and TV early, allowing extra time to get to appointments, trying not to schedule too many things in a day/week (this is still a hard one for me as I often overestimate how much time and energy I will have), making sure that we schedule time for the important things.

I know we are all busy – so many demands. But I also see, in my own life, time wasters that I get sucked into – things that don’t really matter. It is all about choices and being grateful and the practice of slowing down – both physically and mentally!

And so I am – working on reminding myself to be grateful. Slowing down. I realize that occasionally things like schedules are out of my control – but often, they are not. Many times, I feel frantic and hurried because of choices I have made. And it is NOT a place that I want to live – either physically or mentally. So I am working on the cure for this “hurry sickness” and praying that it gives me a life-time immunity!

Reversing Conakry

A trip anywhere in Guinea, for any amount of time, takes a lot of preparation. You have to prepare your house that you are leaving behind, make arrangements for guarding and animal care (if you have them), prepare food for the trip, make arrangements for where you will stay, prepare and sign a document called an "ordre de mission" that gives you permission to travel in the country, arrange for guards to watch the place, and a myriad of other details that should not be missed.

It is overwhelming at times – sometimes it feels like it would have been better to just stay home.
Returning from a trip is almost more work. Here is a check list of 20 things that needed to be done in order to feel settled from our recent trip to the capital…..

1. Open the house: This involved un-padlocking the side and back doors, and opening the curtains and louver windows.

2. Throw the knife switch which restores solar power to the house. We shut this off to try to prevent damage from lightning storms.

3. Check the fridge and freezer to make sure they are still working and did not shut down in our absence and see if the batteries for the solar system are okay.

4. Turn on the propane for the stove.

5. Plug in the CB-like radio that we use to communicate with our teammates. We unplug that from the batteries and antennae also in case of lightning.

6. Open the outside laundry room where we store dishwashing items, chairs from the back porch, and anything else lying around that we want to secure while we are gone.

7. Unlock the trash pit which we lock to prevent little kids from trying to fish out the things we have thrown away. There is NOTHING of value in there, and it is often mixed with medical waste, but in their little minds, they seem quite sure we are purposefully throwing away numerous treasures that they must have – a dumpster diving of sorts.

8. Unlock the padlocks on the magasin – our “garage” type building where we keep our generator and Jim’s tools.

9. Unlock the padlock on the attic door.

10. Put the stools, mat, trash can, and small plastic tea kettle of water (used by guests for bathroom needs) back out on the porch.

11. Unpack trunks of groceries – we usually shop for 6 – 12 weeks at a time, so there can be a lot of groceries.

12. Unpack the cooler or coolers with the frozen stuff I bought.

13. Bleach, wash, and put away all the fresh fruits and vegetables. Since it is hard to get these in the village, we usually come home loaded up – finding room in the fridge is a problem at times. But the heat requires you to get them in the fridge pretty quickly.

14. Unpack the egg box and put the eggs in a basket on the counter. I usually buy 5 dozen at a time.

15. Sweep, mop, and dust to try to regain a foothold from the insects and spiders that think you have obviously abandoned the place, giving them free reign.

16. Pay the guards for guarding.

17. Greet the people who come to welcome us back. This requires time to sit and answer questions about your trip, and your family and for you to ask about their families and how things are in the village.

18. Give out gifts. Often we gift our closer friends when we come back from a trip – maybe with some fruit or vegetable that is not available in the village yet, or something else. A few of the popular gifts we have given: shoes, flashlights, soap, toothpaste, cooking oil, spaghetti, hair dye, shirts, toys for the kids, potatoes, watches, earrings. We don’t always do it and it is never anything big – just a culturally appropriate “hey, I was thinking about you while I was gone” kind of thing.

19. Record our mileage and expenses from the trip.

20. Clean out the car – throwing out the old ordre de mission, and all the trash that accumulates from traveling and eating as you drive. Also good to check and make sure you have an adequate supply of TP and hand wipes for the next trip.

It usually takes us about 2 – 3 days to accomplish all of these tasks, and one of the many reasons that we think hard and long before taking a trip here in Guinea.

Fixing Our Eyes - Thoughts on the Ebola Crisis

A few months back, I was having some quiet time in the morning and was reading about Peace.  I read the following from the book “Jesus Calling” – “Thank me for the gift of My Peace, a gift of such immense proportions that you cannot fathom its depth or breadth.  When I appeared to my disciples, it was Peace that I communicated first of all.  I knew this was their deepest need:  to calm their fears and to clear their minds.  I also speak Peace to you, for I know your anxious thoughts.”

The semi-recent Ebola outbreak in West Africa has taken center stage in the news.  We really had no idea how much because we have no internet access (other than sending or receiving email) in the village. Most people have no idea where Guinea is on a map.  We began to hear that it was making news across the world, somewhat clued in by the rash of emails asking about our safety and proximity to the virus. We just had NO idea what a splash it was making until we went to the capital last week.  It is right that it should be a leading news article.   This is an Ebola epidemic of epic proportion and many are dying.  The numbers increase daily and there is no cure!

As I read through the articles, news and postings over the past week, a few thoughts struck me.

1.       The majority of the American news reports seem focused more on keeping it out of the US than on concern for the people who are suffering with the disease and others who are battling against it.  That obviously is a generalization, and not the view of everyone, but seems to be a common thread.  It is amazing the level of self-protection that arises in a crisis.  Not that I want it to spread to the US, (though that seems unlikely) but still.  Are most people outside of West Africa concerned for those in the midst of the fight – or just concerned about keeping it out of their borders?

2.       It seems to have sparked an interesting debate on the value of serving overseas.  One of the most prominent articles catching people’s attention was written by Ann Coulter.  While I did not read her complete article, I read a response article called “Are Christian Missionary Narcissistic Idiots?”  It is an interesting read- a little long – but worth it none the less.

Situations like this are really very troubling and heart wrenching for most missionaries who serve overseas.  What is the right answer?  Do we leave - hoping to avoid catching this horrible disease?  Do we stay – and do what we can to help?  Are we “safe” here?  Is “safety” what God calls us to strive for?  What is wisdom?  When are we acting in fear?  

If we decide to leave, what do we say to our national friends?  “Goodbye and good luck.  Hope you don’t get sick.  Sorry that we are leaving and taking a lot of resources with us.  We know you are scared – but we can escape, so we will.”

If we decide to stay, what do we say to our kids, family, friends, and supporters?  “We don’t feel right leaving – we just hope we don’t get sick.  We will do our best.”

Fear takes over – not just fear of Ebola, but fear of making the right decision!  Don’t want to run – don’t want to overstay if it is not safe.  All of it makes me a little twitchy.  I am a nurse in a small clinic in a small village.  I have not knowingly taken care of an Ebola patient.  We are prepared with protective gear - but there are no guarantees in life.  I watched the news as a missionary doctor and another woman working in health care in Liberia fell victim to the disease.  

That news scared me a little – not because they were American, but because they were medical people who knew what they were dealing with and had taken precautions, yet still got sick.  Just a few days back I got sick – runny belly, nausea, achiness – not uncommon symptoms in West Africa.  Any other time, I would not have thought anything of it.  But this time, I was mentally reviewing every patient I had seen recently, scanning in my mind to see if I thought they might have Ebola.  I knew it was not overly rational, but that was the first place my mind headed.

This is really the first time we have had to deal with these questions in the medical realm, though the political situation in countries like this often bring those questions to the surface.  Several years back, we chose to evacuate out of Guinea, on the advice of the US Embassy, because of political instability.  At that point, we were very comfortable with our decision – made even clearer for our family as we sat alone in a guesthouse – listening to constant gunfire around us.  For others, the choice was harder.  They did not feel in danger.  Some chose to wait it out.  Others left.  

In all situations like this – be it political or something like Ebola - there are no easy answers.  Some will chose to go and some will chose to stay.  We continue to wrestle and pray and ask for the God of Peace to give us His peace and wisdom – and to extend it to our families as well.