Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Camping 2013 – NOT quite what we expected…….



 
Every spring break, a number of families from the missionary community get together for a few days to camp.  This year was no different and we were looking forward to it for a several reasons –

1      It is the boys’ senior year so they were excited for the BIG final trip – they were going to take senior pictures at the falls where we have camped for the past 7 years.

2    We were going to get to introduce Curtis (our nursing intern) and Elisabeth (Hannah’s tutor) to the fun of the event.

3     I was tired emotionally and physical and was looking forward to hanging out with friends for a few days.

We took off early on Monday morning – heading about 9 hours away to our friends house.  They are missionaries closest to the falls so we had made “reservations” for the 7 of us at their house the night before – knowing that there would be LOTS of people there.  JD and Emily are great people to be around – easy to talk to and flexible and never make you feel like an imposition.    After camping, we were headed to CKY.  When we go to CKY, we are usually packed!  And when we go camping, we are also always packed.  So with going camping and then to CKY, it was not pretty – not to mention having 2 extra people.  Our truck was pack to the hilt with people and gear – we were stuffed in like sardines!

We arrived to find a house full of people.  We jumped in and started visiting and helping with supper.  There was another group of people who were spending the night about an hour away and planned to meet us at the falls by around 8 am.

After supper, JD called everyone into the living room to deliver some bad news.  An hour or 2 before, a group of teens from the local youth group had gone out to the falls to celebrate Easter and one of the teen leaders had jumped in the water and never surfaced.  They had not yet recovered the body.  

(Here is an interesting side note – Africans are usually cautious about delivering bad news, so they try to do it gently.  Here is how they broke the news to the father of the young man who drowned.  Now remember, he had NO idea that there was a problem – just that the kids were out there swimming (sadly, that afternoon, when the kids wanted to go, the father begged them not to, saying, I think something bad is going to happen – please don’t go.).  Anyway, he gets a phone call that says “We have nothing to tell you” and then the person hung up.  Second phone call “we have nothing good to tell you” and another hang up.  Third phone call “David went in the water and we can’t see him – we don’t know if he is walking up in the woods or where he is.”  Finally they broke the news that he went under the water and never surfaced.)

It was dark by this time.  JD, Curtis, and one of the other young men went out to see if they could help with the search.  They got there around 11 pm, climbed down the cliff, and waded in the water but could not find anything (everyone else was terrified to go in the water, being sure that the demons in the water had grabbed the young man and were holding him.)  The area where he drowned is at the base of a big waterfall.  It is where we spend most of our time swimming when we are there – and the kids jump off the cliffs into the water. Apparently the rush of the water has carved a large cavern under the rocks – big enough to trap a body.  And if you jump in near the falls and get caught by the current, you cannot get out.  They were not able to find anything and came home.

While they were at the falls searching, Emily and I began the process of trying to reach the other missionaries at the other stopping point, not wanting them to arrive early at the falls and land in the middle of what was going on out there.  Unfortunately, that day, the entire country of Guinea was revamping their phone system – changing every number.  We tried and tried and finally reached a single missionary woman who lives in the same town.  She was able to drive up to deliver the news to hold off on coming in the morning until we knew more.  We were also unable to reach a young couple who lived there in town and worked closely with the young man who drowned, so Emily and I drove over to tell them in person.

The next morning brought still no news.  The body had not surfaced.  The town officials were organizing a search party.  It was clear that we could not go camping at our usual spot, so we made plans to join the other families at Tinka, an hour back down the road.  There are old mission house there –dating back to the 1940s, I think, and we sometimes go there for a mini vacation.  It is quite rustic – but had lots of places to pitch tents and housing for those who preferred a mattress.
We join the rest of the gang in the afternoon and spent the next few days hanging out together, playing games, taking day trips out to several other beautiful waterfalls, and generally enjoying being together.  The kids were disappointed about not being able to go to our favorite spot – but they felt worse for the family who lost their son!


Now for the rest of the story about David - Every day, people went out to search for the body, a process made harder by everyone’s fear of the demons in the water.  Soon a woman who practices witchcraft came out and began to offer sacrifices to the demons so that they would release the body.  She was drumming and chanting.  The church officials and David’s father in particular, were angry with her.  They told her that David was a Christ follower and that she was desecrating his memory by what she was doing.  Someone suggested that they drop a banana tree in the water where the body went down so that they could see where the water took it.  The church held vigils throughout the night. 

Two days passed.  One of the men camping with us works on the Mercy Ship and is a diver.  Through a lot of talking and lots of phone calls, he got permission to bring up his dive team to go dive for the body – hoping to give the family some closure.  Friday morning, the team took off from CKY with all of the equipment.  A few hours later, we got a phone call saying that the body had surfaced, so they were able to make contact with the dive team and turn them around.  Our friend helped the “coroner” pull the body from the water.  The doctor feels that David probably hit his head when he jumped in the water – making it impossible to fight when he got pulled under in the current.

The Privilege and Pain of Raising TCK’s Oversea




Raising kids of any flavor is a challenge not for the faint of heart.  Living overseas and raising TCK adds another dimension to that.


For those of you who don’t know, a TCK stands for Third Culture Kid and basically describes a kid who is from one culture (for our kids, American), but are raised in another culture (for us, African) and whose worldview becomes a mix of those two cultures, creating a third, unique culture of their own.  Obviously it depends on which part of the world you grow up in, but most TCK share similarities, no matter where you are from.

Growing up overseas has its challenges.  Sadly, our kids have been at times tormented by the African kids that surround them.   They have been unable to communicate because of the language barriers. They have had to deal with medical emergencies when medical help is 12 hours away. They have been under lock-down for days during political unrest and have been evacuated on a military jet because of it.

They have seen babies die on the porch and watched countless people suffer from illness.  They have seen hungry people picking up every last rice kernel so they don’t waste anything.
They have faced feeling “foreign” in their own country and lost when kids their age talk about the newest video games and movies.  They have had to say goodbye – over and over again – to friends and family and pets and homes.  They have missed being around grandparents and aunts and uncle and cousins.

Our kids have had to face separation from us when at boarding school and we have grieved over the missed birthdays and holidays and softball games.  We have missed being able to respond with a “yes” when pleas come from school for different events.   And we continue to grieve, because, with the boys graduating this year, them leaving home means that they might never return to our house here. 
There are no quick trips home for fall break or Thanksgiving or Christmas – not when it costs over $2500 for a visit.  We got new furniture in the living room last week, and it struck me that the boys may never get to see it. (Not that is was a big deal to see the new furniture, but it was another reminder that they are gone.)   With Hannah set to go to Dakar next year, we are about to prematurely experience the “empty nest”.  We don’t even have phone reception so that they can call if they need to talk.

So why are we here?  Why do we bother?  Why would we even “subject” our kids to this strange life?

The trade-offs are worth it!

TCK’s are amazing people – and I don’t just say that because I am one, or because I was raised by a second generation one, or because I am raising three.  They really are amazing.  They are flexible, adaptable, out of the box thinkers who see the world from a whole different perspective than their home country peers.  They have easy access to their passport and get to travel the world.  They have opinions on their favorite international airlines and airports and airplane food.  They know about layovers and customs.  And that is just getting to another country.

My kids know how to live without electricity and how to pee by the side of the road or in a squatty-potty.  They have pulled water from a well to wash with and bathed in the backyard.  They have helped host weary travelers looking for a safe place to sleep.  They have encountered snakes and scorpions and eaten strange new things.  They have slept under the stars on the beach and jumped off of waterfall cliffs.  They have taken field trips to go canoeing on the Niger River or to go shoot a python caught in a fish trap. They are tri-lingual.  They live in an amazingly beautiful country.
They know that the whole world is not as privileged as they are.  They understand that there is not just ONE right way to do a lot of things.

Our kids are learning to depend on God in a way they might not have in the US.  Every road trip begins with a prayer – asking God for safety and mercy and protection on the roads.  We have prayed for each other and for sick colleagues and friends in the village – depending on God for a miracle.

And we are surrounded by an incredible community of adopted grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins who understand where they are coming from and who speak into their lives.  Where else in the world could we find people like this – a “family” knit together by a love for Jesus and this country – from all parts of the world and all walks of life – who laugh and cry and pray and journey together through this strange world?  AND we have the double blessing of an amazing family on the other side of the pond who love and support us!

Is it hard sometimes?  Yes – but that is true no matter where you are.  Are there trade-offs?  Absolutely!  Would we change some of what they have experienced?  Not on your life.  Because, as hard as those things are or were, it has shaped our kids into the incredible people they are today!  And we couldn’t be prouder of them!!!  


 Ben, Kaleb, and Hannah – we LOVE you and are proud of you!